Самые лучшие английские анекдоты / The Best English Jokes - стр. 3

from under the bed. «Is there someone there?» he asked absently. «No, professor,» answered the thief. «That is strange,» muttered the professor. «I was almost sure I heard someone under the bed.»

There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher[27] and a guy with a Chihuahua.[28] The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua,

– Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.

The guy with the Chihuahua says,

– We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,

– Just follow me.

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on[29] a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. A guy at the door says,

– Sorry, no pets allowed.

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,

– You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.[30]

The guy at the door says,

– A Doberman Pinscher?

He says,

– Yes, they’re using them now, they’re very good.

The guy at the door says,

– OK, come on in.

The guy with the Chihuahua puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says,

– Sorry, no pets allowed.

The guy with the Chihuahua says,

– You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.

The guy at the door says,

– A Chihuahua?

The guy with the Chihuahua says,

– You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?!

A blushing young man is choosing an engagement ring. He decides on one and says to the jeweller,

– I want to engrave inside this ring «From George to Dora[31]».

The jeweller said,

– If you take my advice, sir, you will just have «From George».

A man was filling an application for a job at a local employment agency. When he came to the question,

«How long married?» he hesitated, and then put down,[32] «24 hours a day.»

Tom wished his wife were more attractive, but she wasn’t. To tell the truth, he was no oil-painting,[33] either. After the ceremony, Tom asked the minister how much the cost was.

«Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife,» replied the minister.

Tom looked at his wife, and handed the minister £50. The minister looked at Tom’s wife and gave him £42 change.

A man went to the Police Station.[34] He wanted to speak with the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

«You’ll get your chance in court,» said the sergeant.

«No, no, no!» said the man. «I want to know how he got into the house and did not wake my wife!»

Tom won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together and asked them:

– Who will have the present? Who is the most obedient? Who never talks back