Самые лучшие английские анекдоты - стр. 6
The applicant sat up straight and said, “Wow![27] Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
As a senior citizen[28] was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!”
“Heck,[29]” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said:
– I can’t find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.
– In that case, – said the patient, – I’ll come back when you’re sober.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by.
– Sailor, do you have change for a pound?
– Sure, buddy, – says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
– That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again. Do you have change for a pound?
The plebe snaps to attention[30] and barks:
– No, sir!
– My father had two horses that looked so much alike that he measured them so he could tell them apart.
– Did that help?
– It sure did. He found that the white one was 6 inches shorter than the black one.
Man says to God:
“Lord, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says, “So you would love her.”
“But Lord,” the man says, “why did you make her so stupid?”
God says, “So she would love you.”
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote, “I would like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.”
– Sir! Did you have a good holiday? Did you go away?
– Yes, I went to France, to Paris.
– Did you have much trouble with your French when you were there?