Earlyborn - стр. 9

Termination of any doing of your life has, definitely, a sprinkle of frustration. And the bigger this frustration is, the more opportunities to alter your future grow up. To excel yourself in doing your next action comparing to your previous might-have-been! Imagine what a great number of thoughts attacked your head in a brainstorm when you merely (it happened like that) could not get up in time for about a week in a row. Two weeks in a row… So how strong must your indignation be in the case when you cannot cope with yourself for a week or two? If your indignation is truly powerful and sincere, something should happen, something should come to your mind, something that will cause huge changes and give you an impulse, a portion of genius! Say you got rid of that very unhealthy habit or of mental disorder, which was on your road to the full living, and, all in all, not only will you be able to get up in time, but hear people and see their point as no one else under the sun can! The chief thing is to continue doing. How will you be tortured by the idea that you do everything but have nothing to reap if you do not continue, after all? You will more likely berate yourself for doing nothing, and, as a consequence, of course, will learn how to manage with everything, but it would be more time-consuming. The desire to work is said to emanate from a person himself.

Again sitting on her much loved tiny balcony, Earlyborn puzzled herself with only one question. It floated into an abyss of wind, into that cold time when two or three hours after the sunset passed away, “How am I to live?” Neither the Ursa Major, so suddenly appeared in the starless winter sky, neighboring the Orion’s belt, nor the young Venus could not or did not want to answer her question. Meanwhile Zhenia went to bed, and she was about going to do the same, yet she did not do that; on the contrary, she came out to the place which was the only one that could gladden her in Paris, and decided to immense herself again into the fairy-tale night of meditation and bright melancholy. Besides, the answer to the question she posed to the stars or gloomy twilight could guide her even not in Paris, but, for one, in Strasbourg or somewhere on the outskirts; she would go after the answer wearing her nightgown, well-tailored as fashionable as those winter patterns in the starry sky, only, being not ashamed of her slight bareness. I suppose, we all, naked and in nightgowns would be ready to run after that answer, like after the treasure fallen so unexpectedly as the Christmas wonder together with snow, and to creep as troublemaker kids somewhere in that snow in attempt to discover the answer as a needle in a haystack with the joy about the snow which the only one was present. There is still no answer, the snow does not fall in the darkness as on the head of grieve Paris night, and those who were lucky to unearth the answer one day, have already hidden, like needles of answers in the snow, in the earth interior, covered with seven blankets, or speak with each other in a secret place in a beggarly hamlet, so that it is impossible for us to find them anywhere. We are forced to sit in nightgowns—as a kind of sign to the fate and life showing that we are ready to run as it is, almost naked. Yet we are not yet those who deserve getting the answer. These speculations did not let Earlyborn feel better, and she, sipping a new cap of Dominican coffee, continued basking frosty beams of January cold. One aphorism is said to be familiar to you: he who seeks, will find; while Earlyborn was looking for the answer without giving up, by the way, a curious thought came into her mind: “We should live absolutely in movement for only looking ahead without dwelling on how you skate, you will grasp the process of skating at the life ice rink, and then and only then you will adore doing that.” “Nice,” Earlyborn said, observing the area beneath her balcony and the lights in the Tower, “but how to start focus on action?” Here is one of the main matters, which we are going to tackle throughout the book… For now Earlyborn examined starry sky: the Ursa Major was right above the roof of her house, illuminating the young lady with string of lights with shapes, similar to Christmas toys and fireworks. Earlyborn planned to draw a projection of the stars on her life, like with a thin brush of gouache on the space canvas, and to mark out the course to Antarctic precisely with these patterns. Enlightenment, seems, dawned on Earlyborn at that very moment :) All of a sudden, she understood that all miseries and failures which snowed her under, were not that important neither for her and certainly nor for the Madagascar cockroaches in her head, which visit any woman in Paris. She realized that she was to exult. She realized that if you have nothing to change in your life to be blissful or you have to alter everything, that means there is no need for you to change anything. Except for the attitude to life. On that joyful bass note Earlyborn continued her night adventures, forwarding her glance in the dreamworld. The left crater on the Moon started jerking…