Abandoned world: the Awareness - стр. 2
– Charlie?! – Sierra shouted, turned on the light, and walked quickly over to him. She looked at the knife and mug in his hands, and at the cut on his arm, though not bleeding much. – What the hell are you doing?!
Heddock looked around, beginning to realize where he was and what he was doing. His arm began to ache as his mind began to come to rest. It wasn't too bad, but it was starting to whimper and tingle in some places, though given that it was coming out of the part that wasn't a vein, there wasn't much blood on the table. Sierra took off her blouse, leaving her bra on, and tied it around his arm, pulling it tight:
– Charlie, what were you doing just now?
Her gentle voice with a note of concern calmed him down a lot. Just a few moments ago, it had seemed like she'd be screaming and hysterical, not understanding what it was or where it came from. That it was some kind of crime that she shouldn't tell anyone about. But there was no reproach or anger on her part, only complete incomprehension.
– I… I was sharpening a knife to cut my arm… I remember exactly that I thought it was too blunt for that… And I needed to cut my arm to lighten the left side of my body… To make it airy and light. And then you could cut out your heart.
– What?!
– Yes… I remember it well… I had such a thought… Just a minute ago it seemed to me completely natural. I can't even describe the feeling, but it was a complete certainty of rightness… It seemed to me that if I cut out the heart, nothing inside my body would interfere with each other anymore… That it would free the whole body....
Sierra walked around the table, pulled up a nearby chair, and sat down close to Heddock:
– Charlie, are you saying you were gonna kill yourself? Why?
– That's the thing… I wasn't going to kill myself It's a different feeling. All I wanted to do
was cut out my heart. I had the complete feeling that I was gonna go on living my life as before. Or almost like before, only better… I can't describe it It's clear to me now that it's delusional, but at
the time it seemed perfectly normal. Not even normal, but natural…
– Charlie, there's something I have to tell you that probably everyone on the station is hiding from you.....
– That eight months ago we had our first suicide who was buried outside? About that?
– Yeah. I see someone already told you.
– Yes, Sierra. Someone told me. Why didn't you? Why did you keep it from me?
– Why do you need to know that, Charlie? You know it all You teach people to be good for